I should be getting TWO Nobels, actually. One for Economics, in addition to the Peace Prize. I have a brilliant plan to completely eliminate all poverty around the globe, which I'm pretty sure that dumb-ass liberals will even agree with:

Just give everyone a million dollars! It's too easy! If everyone's filthy rich, they can just buy whatever they want, and they don't have to go out and kill anyone to get it. I'm scary-smart, see? I totally figured this shit out in, like, not even five minutes. I can't believe no one else has figured it out by now.

By the way, is there a Nobel for some kind of environmental brilliance? Should be, because I've just about solved this whole "global warming" bullshit, too. I was watching this TV show, and there was some PhD from MIT explaining that, in a nuclear explosion, all that energy is generated by the conversion of mass, which I already knew. What I didn't know was, the amount of mass lost is roughly equivalent to the mass of a dollar bill. Having digested that fact, I have begun working on a reactor that will convert the entire mass of Al Gore into pure energy. If it works, America will have all the energy it needs for 100 years, and totally CO2 free! I don't want to give too much away, but it involves shooting him with extremely powerful laser beams in a plasma chamber, so even if it doesn't work, it's still a pretty good idea. Just drop a couple dozen of those around the planet and you're golden. There's no shortage of retarded celebrities to use for fuel.